That was a busy day! I bought and delivered air mattresses to a homeless couple and another man who were living in tents. Then I gave Walmart gift cards to a homeless man recovering from surgery and another homeless man in his 70s. Finally, I gave a grocery store gift card to an elderly couple who lost power and had to throw out all the food in their refrigerator and freezer. Their fixed income and decreasing food assistance weren’t enough to allow them to replenish what they had lost. It’s a good thing the year was almost over, because we had little left in TOP’s Kelsey Kares budget .
I wish I could say that helping people like this always gives me warm, fuzzy feelings. I know I’m doing the right thing. When it comes to helping people meet the basic needs in life, I don’t try not to judge their worthiness. Most of the time it’s someone else who tells me of their needs.
In most cases, the people are grateful for the help. Sometimes they don’t even say “thank you” before they start asking for more. That doesn’t bother me because I know where my reward comes from.
When I gave the air mattress to the couple, they expressed gratitude in their own way when she said it would help her back. But right after that, he asked for money to buy cigarettes. I told him no. And she stood close enough to me that I could tell she reeked of alcohol. My mind was saying, “If they can buy cigarettes and liquor, they can get their own mattress.” I felt a pang of regret for helping them and another pang of regret for judging them.
Another thing that weighs on me is that it seems all we can do is put a bandaid on a gaping chest wound. There is value in the assistance we provide, but, in the grand scheme of things, are we really making a difference? I’d like to think we are, but at times I have my doubts.
On top of that, sometimes I feel the burden of the people we help too deeply. Like most first responders, medical professionals, counselors, or social workers, I see people at the worst times of their lives. Over the years, I have developed a professional detachment that shields me from feeling their pain. But often that detachment only works in the moment when I’m interacting, and I feel their pain too keenly when I drive away.
In Galatians 6:9, the apostle Paul says “…let us not grow weary in doing good.” Sometimes that’s not so easy. But when that fatigue or pity party rears its head, I remember the second part of that verse: “…for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” In addition to that, I remind myself that what TOP is doing through Kelsey Kares is not a burden but a blessing. It is a privilege to be used by God to do something good for someone in need no matter how small that good deed might be. I’m sure there are times when God has multiplied our efforts that I will never know about in this life.
When that weariness tries to overtake me, all I have to do is think of the unimaginable weight that Jesus bore on that cross. My burden is trivial compared to His.
And, lastly, I remind myself that I don’t bear the burden alone. We couldn’t do any of this without the people who support through gifts, encouragement, and prayers. I remember so many who have stood with us through the years. It is our honor to be your vessel for taking your compassion to “the least of these.”
